Filed under: Cops, Detective Curt, kissing a cop, sex with cops | Tags: affairs, cheating, cheating wife, horny, horny housewife, Housewife, love, marriage, online dating, sex
Below please find an edited-for-anonymity version of a recent e-mail exchange with our surfer friend Detective Curt. He is in blue. I am in red.
If you’re new here and want to catch up on Detective Curt and why I call him the surfer, here’s the post to read: Surfing with Detective Curt. If you want get the flavor of our relationship, read this short story I wrote about my time with him: XX Man.
Curt was my first extra-marital man and, looking back, my relationship with him was marked by a complete lack of communication about what was happening between us. As a result, I think I assumed an imagined a lot. Perhaps he did too.
Why did we fail to talk about subjects like how we felt about each other, whether we would see other people, and whether or not we were satistfied and wanted to continue seeing each other? I think for me, I was so new at this whole extra-marital affairs thing that I was afraid of appearing too needy or emotionally attached. (In fact, I was very needy and emotionally attached.)
Now I think that perhaps Detective Curt sensed I was withholding strong feelings and assumed I was dissatisfied with him. At the time, I thought he was just losing interest in me.
The bottom line is that I had an incredibly strong school girl crush on him. That’s the best way to describe it. And despite the fact that it’s been six months since I’ve seen him, and I’ve since had more satisfying relationships, emotionally and sexually, I still want him. But how much?
Detective Curt: Hi. How are you? I think of you often, and hope all is well. Hope to hear from you!
Horny Housewife: Hey, you. Hope you are well too. I have a new job at XX and that’s keeping me busy. Big change, but good. How are you?
DC: wow, no kidding…that’s great! How are things at home? What happened? I never heard back from you, and didn’t want to bug. I figured you had a lot going on. I think of you often and was wondering how you were.
HH: Things at home….got to the point where my husband was looking for an apartment… Then we sat down together and talked about things. He made some promises which he has mostly kept, and so things are OK and we are still together, which is better for Spencer. I’m not sure how it is for me.
Fun with a wink with Detective Curt…temptation is such a powerful force…
x, HH
things for you at home.
x, HH.
so much we didn’t talk about, that I was distracted by the mysteries of our relationship, and that colored everything. And then you seemed to slowly and then rapidly lose interest in me. And that just made me
withdraw more.
In fact, I assumed you weren’t pursuing sexual stuff we had talked about because you just weren’t interested. Isn’t that just a little bit true? Come on. You can tell me now.. It’s like your surfboard story. I
felt like your surfboard that had just lost its thrill for you. And when I e-mailed you that time and mentioned the surf board story and tried to be honest about my perception of what was going on between us, I felt like you sort of ignored what I was saying, and then I gave up.
Your emails were only responses to mine, and I didn’t feel comfortable with that. I assumed you were having stuff going on at home. I wanted to pursue the fantasies we had talked about but was a little uncomfortable becasue I wasn’t sure how far you wanted to go with it, and I didn’t want to push.
Then I think I just kind of did a test of my own, and waited to see if you would email me.
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I think you have unfinished business with Detective Curt. Why not explore those fantasies while using what you have learned about being more honest and open?
A fan
Comment by anonymous July 20, 2008 @ 5:53 amGame playing by girls is acceptable, to a point. Over done it becomes tiresome and will earn you a rebuke. Game playing by men is childish, silly and should be beneath one. From the mans point of view it is really quite simple. You want a girl, you let her know that. What she does when cognisant of that fact is up to her.
I am not going to pin your arm halfway up your back and frog march you down the path. I will however hilight it for you and invite you to walk down it with me. No gameplaying, no tests, no coyness.
I do not mean to say that one has to be unsubtle or boorish, but it as mans place to lead and a womans place to follow. To effectively lead a woman one must show her the way, it is as simple as that.
A man who game plays or who is unable to deal with a girl who either does so, or who he suspects may be doing so, lacks self confidence. I suspect you need and would benefit from something else. Perhaps you should be more discerning. I am sure you can afford to be.
Merely my opinion of course.
Comment by Mr.C. July 20, 2008 @ 9:21 amFriends, I was just rereading this post and realized that I had omited about four e-mails from this post. It’s fixed now. I don’t know if it makes any difference.
Comment by Secret Confessions of a Horny Housewife July 20, 2008 @ 7:15 pmIt sounds to me like the door has been re-opened, so to speak, and that you finally have some open communication going. I think you should walk a bit further down this path and see where exactly it leads you. You’ve admitted yourself that you still have feelings for DC, so in my opinion, it may be worth pursuing. Good luck no matter what you choose to do!
Comment by swingerwife July 21, 2008 @ 5:43 amHH –
1st) I don’t think you should lose an opportunity to be honest and open with someone. This communication with Det. Curt sounds like a powerful experience. Take it and learn from it.
2nd) thanks for posting this exchange. It was very inspiring for me and my own challenges to have open communications with mrsfreeze.
Comment by mrfreeze July 21, 2008 @ 7:23 amOpen and honest communication is always a good thing (although not always easy) if you want to have a meaningful relationship…with anyone.. Other than that, I don’t really know what to think… I’m sure you will do what is best for you. Thank you for sharing this.. I enjoyed reading it.
Comment by Girly July 21, 2008 @ 8:29 amGirly’s right. Love is a many splintered thing . . . especially when you don’t communicate. Personally, I think you may have dismissed DC as someone who you couldn’t carry on a relationship with. That, for you, he was merely sexual. Clearly, he was and is something more. And Vice Versa.
Comment by Joe July 21, 2008 @ 10:06 amok. so i came accross your blog through another website. I read one posting.. and i was HOOKED!
i went back to your very first post to better understand and catch up on all the juicy and very interesting details of your… adventures.
i just want to say that I am honestly do glad you are doing this. No one, including me has the right to judge your life, decisions, actions, feelings and emotions. So I truly admire you for all this. It’s honest and raw, and we don’t get writing like that often. The truth is SOOOO many people are obviously doing things like this, but not many are brave enought to write it…. and not as witty and detailed as you do. i LOVE IT!!..
as a 23 yrd old woman… the thought of marriage does not scare me… it’s the idea of marrying the wrong person, and therefore…i feel i should never get married. but tha’s a whole different story
ok i think DC sounds pretty genuine and honest. I like him… well what i read about him anyway. sometimes it is hard to be honest in what we way and feel towards others. but i believe in taking the risk of being completely honest with what you feel in order to avoid misunderstandings that in the end might lead to an outcome we may no necessarily want…
**BIG HUG**
Comment by simply D July 21, 2008 @ 10:37 amHH: Silence is a killer sometimes. How can one not wonder about the answers if you think you are asking the questions correctly right?
I’m not sure what I would do in your situation. It depend’s I guess on how tough you can be and perhaps expect for a repeat of the same behavior.
Life is an adventure though and it does sound like there is some unfinished business between the two of you. The way you talk about him and if he got under your skin like that sexually, well I myself might be inclined to keep riding the wave.
Good luck!
Comment by alwaysthatgirl July 21, 2008 @ 11:43 amHis e-mails still seem a little more guarded than yours – lacking the emotion and vulnerability that you are showing him. If I was you, I would either express your desire to see him without showing any hint of doubt (hide your self-doubt for now and expose it when you truly trust a person) like “Yeah well lets get together. My vagina sure misses you! *wink*!” OR you could act more indifferent and throw the ball into his court – let him make or not make the plans and don’t show too much emotion either way – “Yeah well I should have some free time this Sunday. Gimme a call if you want to come up and see me”.
Comment by collegehookerboy July 21, 2008 @ 5:35 pmThis is all just my humble opinion. Honesty and vulnerability are two abstract concepts that, sadly, seem to go hand in hand. I only want to help you because I often make the mistake of either giving too much of myself to someone or playing games with someone to the point that they think I’m not interested. I want you and Curt to succeed. Hope I’m not rambling…
Anonymous – I think I will follow your advice. Please comment again.
Comment by Secret Confessions of a Horny Housewife July 22, 2008 @ 6:24 pmMR. C. – As always, thank you for your sage advice.
Comment by Secret Confessions of a Horny Housewife July 22, 2008 @ 6:26 pmSWINGER WIFE – I plan to do exactly that. Thank you for your comment!
Comment by Secret Confessions of a Horny Housewife July 22, 2008 @ 6:27 pmMR. FREEZE: It’s so interesting that your name is Mr. Freeze and you feel you’re not communicating with your wife. Do you write a blog? I’d love to know more.
Comment by Secret Confessions of a Horny Housewife July 22, 2008 @ 6:28 pmGIRLY: I enjoyed everyone’s feed back. I wasn’t sure whether it would be interesting or boring to readers. Thanks!
Comment by Secret Confessions of a Horny Housewife July 22, 2008 @ 6:29 pmThanks, JOE, for the male point of view. It feels weird hearing that an outsider things I may have been more than disposable sex to Det. Curt. Weird, but good.
Comment by Secret Confessions of a Horny Housewife July 22, 2008 @ 6:30 pmSIMPLY D: I’m so glad you found me! I love looking at my stats and seeing that people have been reading my old posts. They get lonely without readers. Please comment again, and thank you for your nice compliments about my writing!
Comment by Secret Confessions of a Horny Housewife July 22, 2008 @ 6:32 pm♥, HH
ATG, I think I might hop on.
Comment by Secret Confessions of a Horny Housewife July 22, 2008 @ 10:38 pmCHB: you never ramble. You are too good a writer. What you describe is what I have always done with Curt. It only got me so far. I’m willing now to be more vulnerable because I think I’m coming from a place of greater confidence in myself. It’s a weird paradox, but I’m trying to figure out how it works.
Comment by Secret Confessions of a Horny Housewife July 22, 2008 @ 10:40 pm