The Secret Confessions of a Horny House Wife

Two nights ago I had cyber-sex with Morty, the guy I’ve been flirting with for the past week.  I met him when he read my blog and sent me a e-mail telling me he liked the way I described cumming with Mike’s penis in my ass. 

I just read the previous paragraph and I’m laughing hysterically.  What has become of my LIFE?!!!

Anyway, he is smart and handsome and is excellent at calling me his slave and giving me orders.  Plus, I believe he knows how to handle a gun, and you know how I am about men who pack heat.  I kind of like him.  Will not fall in love.  Will not fall in love.  Will not fall in love.  Don’t panic, Morty.  I now chant that after every encounter with an attractive man.  I just very briefly met with my new boss yesterday and guess what?  He’s pretty cute.  Will not fall in love with boss.  Will not fall in love with boss.  Will not fall in love with boss.   There are two lines I absolutely will not cross: (1) will not sleep with husbands of friends and (2) will not sleep with the boss. 

But here is a line I have crossed: sexual encounter with blog reader.  I always said I wouldn’t.  It seemed like it would screw everything up.  I’m still afraid it will. 

This blog is my space.  I strive for complete honesty here.  I am often more honest here with you than I am in my head with myself, and that’s the value.  But I’m now very aware Morty will be reading what I write, and one of two things will have to happen.  Either:

1. I will stop being honest here.  For instance, I wouldn’t write about the small amount of poop that leaked out of my ass the first time I had anal with Mike.  (See, Morty, it’s not all sexy, is it?  By the way, dear readers, I’ve instituted a strict pre-anal enema policy.  What do you do, College Hooker Boy?  I’ve been meaning to ask you…)  Although, if I’m not honest with my blogo-friends, all is lost.   Or,
2. I will just have to continue being as honest here as I can, and if Morty doesn’t find me attractive anymore, then oh well.  Am I brave enough to do that?  I think I’m going to try to be. 

Here’s another sticky wicket: Morty and I are just having incredibly hot cyber-sex.  There is no physical contact at all.  But can I still be totally honest here about the other men in my life?  Can I still describe in lurid detail exactly what Mike is going to do to me tomorrow when I see him?  (Fuck my brains out, I’m sure…I can’t wait…Morty has gotten me all hot and bothered and now Mike will benefit from it.  Not a bad deal for Mike.)  Can I still talk about the utter anguish I feel when a song that Valentine Dave gave me plays on my i-pod? 

By the way, I really do miss Valentine Dave.  I don’t miss the mediocre sex, but I do miss the way he held me.  I miss the way he kissed me.  I miss the way he adored me.  I miss his face.  I miss getting his e-mails.  I miss the smell of him.  The missing of him hurts my heart sometimes. 

I think the answer to all of these questions is that this is a good way for me to practice putting myself first, a thing that I am really bad at.  This blog is for me.  In fact, it is me.  I won’t compromise it in order to appear perfect to a man.  I won’t give it up in order not to hurt the feelings of a guy, even one I like a lot.  Morty is a big boy and, after all, he knew the job was dangerous when he took it.

 (Don’t you love Super Chicken?)

So this will be an interesting experiment:

Question: Can the Horny Housewife be completely honest with herself and her readers, while being observed by a man whom she wishes to attract? 

Answer: Prognosis Negative. 

Just kidding.  I couldn’t resist making a Dark Victory reference.  Bette Davis rules.  Skip to about 35 seconds in the clip below. 

The real answer is I think I can do it.  But if you notice me sugar coating encounters with Morty, if you notice me omitting embarrassing, lurid details of sexploits with Mike, if you find that I’m being anything but totally upfront and completely honest with you, then call me on it, okay?  Because you’re here because I’m honest with you, and I’m here because you keep me honest. 

HH