Filed under: Give your Heart, Valentine Dave | Tags: affairs, black widow, cheating, cheating wife, domination, Give your Heart, horny, house wife, Housewife, love, marriage, relationships, soul mates, submission
Last night Valentine Dave told me he loves me. I love him too, and I told him that. But it didn’t feel all good.
There have been lots of times I’ve wanted to tell him I love him, and I’ve very often wanted to write it to him. I love his sweetness. I love his voice. I love his sense of humor. I love the way he holds me. I love being near him. I love his writing. I love the way he treats me like I’m special to him. He cherishes me. He thinks I’m smart and funny and sexy and he lets me know that.
But I’ve broken every heart I’ve ever known, and when Dave told me he loved me I couldn’t help but feel a little like a black widow spider, practicing some bizarre form of suburban sexual cannibalism. I trap them in my silky web, bite their old-spice-scented necks (with my kiss, with my sex, with my wits) and leave them writhing and alone on the ground. Then I slowly crawl away toward my next victim-mate, with barely a guilty look behind me.
He asked me last night if I had ever found my soul mate, or if I even believe in the concept. I think he was fishing for me to say I thought he was mine. I told him the truth: I don’t believe in the concept. I didn’t tell him why.
It’s because I believed in soul mates for so long. So many times I was sure I’d found mine, and every time I was wrong. Every time I realized that love was an illusion or a delusion or a fantasy or a memory. Sometimes my heart was just pretending, but my heart eventually realized the truth. Sometimes love was real, but it faded away, disapperaring gradually or suddenly.
I never considered before the way a black widow must feel after she kills the well meaning fellow who helped her spin her web and bear her babies, or how she feels as she approaches her new sweetheart. She must feel the way I do now: the ache of remembrance, the pang regret, a glimmer of hope.
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Perhaps the men in your life need to be a little bit bad to you, a little bit dangerous perhaps?
If they are too nice, they’re too safe, and so there’s no challenge?
Comment by Melissa March 15, 2008 @ 4:21 pmNow I have been the man bitten by the black widow who called me her soul mate. Only when she talked of her past she never once showed any guilt or remorse. She was quite cavalier about it right from the start and she ended it with a smile. From what I read here, which I may have misinterpreted and apologize if I did, this was how you were until last night. That you speak of ache, regret and hope shows marked improvement. I only hope the woman I was with years ago has come to this point somewhere along the way as well. I found my love and had I never been with my black widow I may have missed what I have now. Some men need to have that experience with a black widow to appreciate the woman they find later. I hope for you and that your hope is true. Now 7 years ago I would left a completely different comment. I had realize in my time that she had actually in kind of a real wierd way she helped me to be happy now even though she totaled me then. If none of this makes any sense don’t worry I get that a lot.
Comment by Jim - Just a Guy March 15, 2008 @ 8:02 pmMELISSA, I think you are right. I do like the bad boys.
JIM, thanks for your comments. I always feel regretful after the bite. But I come to the conclusion that staying miserably with someone is more painful for both of us than moving on and allowing us both to heal.
The difference in my life now is that I have a son. It makes everything so much more complicated. (But of course, it’s worth it!)
Thanks for visiting me from the Thirty-something bloggers.
Comment by Secret Confessions of a Horny Housewife March 16, 2008 @ 10:23 pmBe very, very careful with this heart. He has felt this way since Day 1. It took you much longer.
Comment by Joe March 18, 2008 @ 11:10 amOld-spice? Ah-ha. I think I’ve found the problem …
Comment by rothko March 19, 2008 @ 11:25 amRothko, or Dave, or Nicolasix, or whatever you’re calling yourself these days…I’ve had about enough of you and our snooty men’s cologne ways…always making trouble, that guy…nothing but trouble since the day I met him…
Comment by Secret Confessions of a Horny Housewife March 19, 2008 @ 5:43 pmJust remember that no fairytale ending ever happened without the slaying of a dragon, the killing of a witch or some sort of predator, the riddance of the bad. We always think that happily ever after should just happen for all of us, that there should be no pain and no obstacles.. but that’s not true. Happily Ever After has dragons and witches.. and obstacles to slay.. first. Hold on… Fight the demons if you want this to work.
Comment by Deb March 24, 2008 @ 2:11 pmJOE, thanks as always.
DEB, thank you for all your thoughtful comments.
HH
Comment by Secret Confessions of a Horny Housewife March 25, 2008 @ 4:58 pm[...] I’ve Broken Every Heart I’ve Ever Known [...]
Pingback by Counting Down the Favorites… « The Secret Confessions of a Horny House Wife August 2, 2008 @ 12:21 pm[...] We don’t want to bite his neck and crawl away while he writhes in agony, as we did with Valentine Dave. That was terribly painful for all concerned. and we must avoid a repeat [...]
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