Filed under: Birthday, Detective Curt, First Post, Husband, Orgasm, marriage, parenthood | Tags: affairs, cheating, love, love and sex, sex, women and sex
Today is my 35th birthday. I’ve been having sex with Curt (a very cute police detective with a very long penis) for one month and 19 days. I’ve been married to Steve (depressive, sarcastic Dennis Leary type) for three and a half years. My son (smart, funny, my treasure) is almost three. These are the men in my life. Oh, and there’s also Dave. I think I’m going to start having sex with Dave soon. But I’ll get to him later. Here’s my biggest problem: I’ve lost my orgasm. It’s gone. I don’t know where I left it. Under the passenger seat in my car? In the diaper aisle at the super market? Once I found my keys in the refrigerator. Maybe I’ll check there.
But really, this is starting to upset me. I’ve always been like a machine. The first time my first boyfriend gave me oral, I fantasized about about a strange faceless older man telling me what to do and I came. Since then my fantasies have become more sadistic, more involved, more (should I say this?…yes…this is anonymous…) humiliating, violent, hot. But I always come. And Curt is really amazing at oral. He totally knows what he is doing.
I think the bottom line is that I’m distracted. I’m in a hotel room with a very hot guy who is very into me. The whole thing is really fucking hot. It’s a time when normally I would really want to be in the moment. But being in the moment means I can’t access those hot fantasies in the intense, urgent way I’ve been able to before. And my brain is wired to make my body come with certain fantasies, and I just can’t quite get to those fantasies when I’m with Curt. I try, but I can’t get there.
And I’m also worried Curt is going to lose interest in me. I had always felt sexually sophisticated and superior because I always came. It was a badge of vaginal honor. I know Curt is disappointed on some level with me (the rest of our sex is totally hot) because I’m not coming.
It’s all just piling up.
And today is my birthday. And it makes me wonder if I’m getting old and what has become of my life and will I ever come with a man again? Happy Birthday to me.
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That fantasy about the faceless older man telling you what to do? That’s the exact same fantasy I used in the waning years of my marriage. My husband just didn’t turn me on at all, so I would imagine a man sitting in a chair in a dark corner of our bedroom, telling me what to do as if directing me in a movie.
Comment by constancy February 24, 2008 @ 9:14 amI don’t know whether or not to envy you for figuring out so early that that little trick works, or to feel sorry that you NEEDED a little trick so early.
I have a question for you: why do you think it is that so many people, when fucking, don’t think about what they are doing or having done to them, but fantasize instead about what they’ll do the next time or have done in the past? It’s like fantasizing about lobster while eating a really great steak. Maybe the problem is that too often it’s not steak; it’s hamburger.
I loved reading this. What a perfect first post – confident, honest and well written. It also gives a little more insight into the men in your life and your present situation. I see the order in your life much more clearly now.
Comment by collegehookerboy August 3, 2008 @ 12:09 pm[...] Today is my 36th birthday. Exactly one year ago today, on my 35th birthday, laden with lies, lust, confusion, and yearning, I first sat down at my desk and wrote you all my secrets. [...]
Pingback by More « The Secret Confessions of a Horny House Wife January 18, 2009 @ 4:38 pm[...] Delight Caucus which had first, eagerly, gratefully, opted to have sex with Detective Curt on that memorable day in December, [...]
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